As I walked into A Healing Place for a series of sessions, I could feel the noisy traffic and my hurry-hurry thoughts slip away. I was ready to soak in the energy of balance and learning that is so present there. As in past visits as the week progressed, I had received energy and tools to open a new layer of communication with what is going on inside me.
On the drive back to New Mexico, I made a promise to myself to check-in throughout the day to see how I was feeling and where those feelings were lodged in my body. I often let promises to myself slip away; I’m much better at living up to promises I make to others. But this time it has been different. I really am checking-in three or four times a day, and find it is easiest to remember when I ask alongside activities I routinely do. Good times for me are when I am getting into my car, eating lunch, and brushing my teeth. I take a connecting breath and ask myself simply, “What’s going on? I listen and feel. Am I frustrated, anxious, calm, tired, energized, or hungry? What can I do about how I am feeling? Do I need to be quiet and breathe? Do I want a time-out. Do I need to ask for help? How does my body feel in this moment”? It sounds like a long conversation, but it usually under 30 seconds.
With the holidays in full swing I’ve been checking-in more frequently throughout the day and am surprised that one feeling I used to have during this time of year is gone. I had years of “feeling put upon”. I used to feel that I had to do everything to keep the holiday traditions going. What a martyr I was! I’m so grateful that whole set of unreasonable expectations I no longer need has gone.
What I have noticed is that overall I feel less energy just because the holidays are chock full of activities. I am starting to be kinder to my body in a purposeful way such as drinking more water, taking short rests, getting outside, and laughing more. When I really listen and respond, my stamina, energy, and sense of fun lighten up.
Recently, I was reminded of a story that someone told me, that speaks to being conscious of our inner life and constantly choosing the direction we want to go.
There is an old Cherokee legend about a boy who received the gift of a beautiful drum. When his best friend saw the drum and wanted to play with it, the boy felt torn. He told his friend no because he didn’t want to share, and his friend ran away.
He sat on a rock and thought about his dilemma. He hated the fact that he had hurt his friend, but he thought the drum was too special to share. He went to his wise grandfather for advice.
His grandfather said to the little boy, “I often feel as if I have two wolves inside of me. One wolf is greedy and mean and the other is kind and peaceful. You, my boy, have the same two wolves.”
“Which one will win?” asked the boy. The elder smiled and said, “The one you feed”.
Lucia Amsden, Author
Breaking Eggs: Finding New Meaning with Chronic Illness
